So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
