Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
