i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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