i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
