hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
