My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
