So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
