so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
