i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
