3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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