if you like me you must not know who I am
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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