It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
