The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
