DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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