this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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