Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
