he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
