At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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