Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
