Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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