I feel like abortions should bother me more
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
