OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
