This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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