i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
