ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
