Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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