i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
