i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
