Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
