omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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