turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
