Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
