You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
