1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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