Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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