This is not my ceiling
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
