He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
