I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
