According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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