if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
