so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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