There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
