don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
