just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
