I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
