Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
