4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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