now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
