I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
