Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
