I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
