I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
