im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
