When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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