I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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