My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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